Revs vs. Joe Public – by myself

26 08 2008

Okay, so Jeff is out of town and the CONCACAF Champions League starts tonight, which means I amwatching by myself. Well, I am watching the game and Jeff’s dog Chompers (a teacup chihuahua with gigantism). So to keep everyone informed, I’ve decided to go ahead an blog the game. Here goes.

Get to Jeff’s and realize the TiVo wasn’t set. Crap. Not an auspicious start.

13th Minute: Finally find the game. Seems like I haven’t missed much.

13.5: Maybe I should look up the starting line-ups? Decide that no, I can figure it out as the game goes on.

13.75: Realize the JP players don’t have names on their jerseys – makes figuring out who’s who more difficult.

14: See that Jeff’s computer is gone; so I can’t look up the line-ups if I want to.

14.5: Decide I need a piece of cake.

15.5: Need a drink. Be right back.

16.5: Didn’t miss anything.

22: It is really quiet in the stadium. So quiet I can hear the coaches and players on the field yelling. Not like you hear with HiDef, but like you hear at a reserves game. And there is a lovely parking lot in the background.

23: Announcers call NE “bridesmaids” since they haven’t won a MLS cup. I thought it was funny. Chompers did too.

24: Lots of water being flung around. Guys tipping heads back and letting water run down their fronts. I approve and support water breaks like this.

24.5: JP just put the ball back in play with lots of NE players still getting watered down. Seems a little shady.

25: Here I’ve been thinking the game has been a little slow, but the announcers just informed me that I missed a lot of JP scoring opportunities early in the game. Stupid TiVo.

26: Wells Thompson comes on for Ralston who is having back spasms. And Thompson promptly gets a yellow card.  Kinda like, “Hey, in case you missed it, I came on the field.” But in a really forceful way.

35: Someone from JP pushes down Twellman (sigh) at the top of the box, creating a dangerous free kick situation. I can clearly hear the JP keeper Figueroa moving players around (at least I think that’s what he’s doing, I don’t speak the language). Larentowicz takes it, Figueroa knocks it away.

41: Lots of talk about finding a rhythm. I hope they don’t mean people should use the rhythm method. That clearly doesn’t work well.

44: Keep talking about a JP player named Richardson. No clue which one that is since there are no names on the jerseys, but seems like he must be good. MLS prospect?

45+: Camera man is now shooting images of another camera man who is taping the “crowd.” I think we are all a little bored about now.

Half-time: I assert my mental and physical dominance over Chompers during a rousing game of tug-of-war. He didn’t stand a chance.

46: Lots of face time on Shalrie Joseph. I approve. He’s beautiful. Though I would prefer shorter hair.

49: Depth perception screws me up again. Looked like JP had a goal, but it really just hit the side netting.

51: JP GOAL!!!! For real this time! The 10 people in the crown went wild!

52: Lots of bad hair playing for JP. Shalrie’s is way better. Though it could still be shorter…

55: Another yellow card for some JP player who’s name I still can’t figure out sets up another dangerous free kick for NE – and they get nothing.

61: Announcers agree that Richardson should come on up to the MLS. It’s like they can read my mind.

65: NE avoids getting scored on.

67: Announcer says that NE gets a “second bite of the cherry.” I can infer what that means, but still wonder if it is like a “born again virgin.”

69: JP substitution: Gay in for Nelson.

70: JP GOAL!!! Gay on the assist. So when Thompson comes on for NE, he gets a yellow. Gay comes on for JP, he gets an assist. Story of the night.

73: Good butt shot of the sideline official signaling an offsides. 

74: Mitchell (JP) gets a yellow for a bad foul on Shalrie in the box = PK. Briefly consider flying down and giving a stern talking to Mitchell, but realize I’m tired. Maybe next time.

74.5: Shalrie taking a while to get up. Replay shows a nasty bend on the left ankle. Reconsidering that stern talking to Mitchell.

74.75: Castro takes the PK, and scores!!!!

74.85: Small battle over the ball between Castro and Figueroa. Figueroa wins.

78: Gay gets yellow. Does that mean that Thompson is due to score now?

83: Lots of substitutions happened. I even traded between toys I am throwing for Chompers.

88: Yellow for Parkhurst and free kick for JP in dangerous spot. Nothing.

Game: JP 2, NE 1. Final winner for a spot in Group C will be determined by aggregate goals. So while NE “lost” tonight, there is still the home leg in NE. I’m expecting better play and more of a crowd.

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All-Star Game Tonight – What I’m Looking For

24 07 2008

We know that many out there will be watching the MLS All-Stars take on West Ham (it’s actually being broadcasted to over 100 countries).  Most, including us, will be watching to see some beautiful soccer.  Some will also be watching to see if there will be a repeat altercation with Hammer fans, which the Columbus Crew higher-ups tout as “gross mischaracterizations.”  But we feel it is our duty to remind you of a few other reasons to tune-in tonight:

 

A few MLS All-Stars being hot.

A few MLS All-Stars being hot.